It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
