just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
