I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
