Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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