Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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