I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
