saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
