is your mom at the bar?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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