I feel great
I just peed on a car
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You took a bar mat shot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
