i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
