is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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