This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
