when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
