C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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