Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
