Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
