oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
