apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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