If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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