I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Duck Duck Cougar?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize