I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
