oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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