those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
