ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
there is glitter all over my balls
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
