thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
