you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
