the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
