just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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