So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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