Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
