Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
