no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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