TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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