Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
