I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
