PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
