he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
