I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
