I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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