Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
