you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize