How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
