My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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