I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
