Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
