The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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