she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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