I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
