I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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