I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
