I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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