Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
