when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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