Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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