Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
