when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
