there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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