i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
