I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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