This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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