life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
