I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
