just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
