The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
