So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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