When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
