not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
