drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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