we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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