What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
