I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
