Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
