Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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