you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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