almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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